Hey
everyone, I am Serena Chong Zhi Xin. I feel out of place (all the time) in the
world that I live in, I always feel as though I don’t belong here. Yet, this is
supposed to be home, my home, where my family is. My family
is made up of my dad, me and my great grandmother. Everyone around me is the
same, they only have 1 dad but some have grandmothers (which I don’t), but
having great grandmothers are uncommon.
In biology
class, they taught us that we all have mothers, but I do not know where have
the mothers gone to? I have been puzzled by this since then. I asked everyone, “where
is my mother?” and all they did were to shrug and say, “I don’t know where is
mine too”. I know I am a female and I will be a mother soon enough after I get
married to my precious boy. Oh yes, I
have a boyfriend! He is Daniel Lionel, I do not know where he is from but he
certainly don’t look Chinese to me. We have a practice into not prying too much
into our boyfriend’s life. I met him back in my high school days where he was
from the opposite school, his eyes met mine and I suddenly felt a flush to my
face and I knew I was in love with him. Back to the days where I showed my love
to him, whenever I give him a card, he would return with an awkward smile. One
day, he just, told me he love me too! That was how our relationship started.
In history class, they taught us about the past. My world used to be separated till the savior came to change us. The savior must not be named and anyone who speaks of him shall die an unnoticed death. Our teachers told us, the savior descended from the sky in a majestic machine and united the world into one. The savior killed all the unclean genetics and all that are left in this world is the purest humans with original blood. We are supposed to live our lives without questioning the laws he has set for us, it is him who brought us so far, anyone ANYONE who goes against him will die.
After
school, I met up with Daniel we went for an awesome date where he left his arms
around my waist almost all the time. His hands are warm and his touch is just
so gentle that it reaches my heart. I am so happy to have known him. Daniel and
I are getting married 2 days later. We need to rush this because it is a
practice here to get married before we graduate from college. Our graduation is
3 days later and so, we need to have an intercourse to symbolize that we are
one, by graduation day. To have that
intercourse we need to get married first, so my dad planned our marriage 2
months ago. Time flies.
We have
been dating for 11 years, I am 24 this year and he is 27. We started dating
since I was 12. It was amazing where the 2 of us travelled to multiple places
together. We took flights to various places in the continent, and we also drove
to multiple locations that are nearby. I remember sitting next to him and watch
him drive, surrounding us was quiet landscape that has nothing (I really thank
the savior for controlling the population in this case). Very much of our land
is clear and clean, trees around are green and well-maintained. I wonder who is
the one who cared for these trees? Mother of nature? Well, pushing that aside,
I doubt anyone would care for them as much as I care for my Daniel. My love for
him is just growing every moment I am with him, I wonder who he inherited the
charm from? His mother or his father? Probably his father, since we all don’t know
where our mums are.
If I were
to become a mum, I wouldn’t want to leave my child alone. My child is my flesh
and blood so how can I leave him alone. I would nurture him to be my son, my
one and only. I don’t understand the mothers in this world I live in, where did
they go? I asked my dad all the time and he refuses to answer me, saying that
it is against the savior by doing so. I wonder if it is true, though. My dad
refuses to tell me about marrying too, I wonder how my life would be? My great
grandmother just remained silent but her face is filled with uncertainty, I
could tell. She is a special someone in my life, she’s my mum. A little sneeze
from her and I will know what she is thinking, but this time, she must be hiding
something from me.
Turning and tossing myself on bed, I can’t sleep tonight, tomorrow is my wedding day. My sex education teacher have been telling me how wonderful it feels like to undergo intercourse. They showed us video of couples making out in bed and it always made us have this weird sense that boils in our body and heart as though we are craving for something we do not know. I wonder if Daniel feels the same anxiety as I.
I am
married, I just signed the papers of acknowledgment with Daniel. My dad
testified our marriage, I swear this is the purest and best moments of my life.
The long wait is now gone. I am in my new chapter of life. Everyone invited are
happy for me. Yet, I do not understand why my great grandmother’s face shows
such deep sorrows at this moment. It is as though she is mourning for someone,
what is happening? I shall not let her expression deviate me from the happiness
and joy from this marriage, the ushers are finally going to bring us to the new
house assigned to us for consummation. The house is designed by Daniel and
other designers that has been issued to deal with the house for us.
The house
is beautiful. Nothing can describe this subliminal beauty I am seeing in front
of me. I pat Daniel on his back to credit him for his effort, he gave me that
awkward smile again. He carried me with his strong arms and kissed me on my
neck. He threw me to the bed and unbuckled my dress. He took off his shirt and
I saw a big chested muscular man, I was in love again. He grabbed me on my
breast and kissed in between them. Then my body flushed and I felt as hot as a
frying pan. He was gentle as he made out with me, just like what I saw in the
sexual videos in school, everything seemed to be planned and seemed to be
following a system. It is unusual. But, it felt good to have someone touching
me from neck to back to hip to thighs. It felt good. Until he tried to insert
himself into me, I felt like my heart just broke, he was rough, it was painful,
nothing could describe that excruciating pain, I looked down and I saw blood.
To my horror, my blood was there but he showed no remorse. I was crying out,
screaming out of pain, he was smiling, no longer awkward but bestial. I began
to ask myself, who is this man? He was still as charming but the experience was
painful. I cried and cried and cried, no one came. Suddenly, I heard laughter,
I looked around me, and saw countless people looking at us. We seemed to be in
a sphere where other humans watched us, and Daniel seemed to be oblivious.
After that
day, we proceed on to our daily routine of life, everything seems the same.
However, I begin to see things I don’t think I should see. I began to realize a
system in everything, I began to realize people watching us. We are not alone.
No one realizes it except for me after that night, why is it so? To protect
myself, I pretended that I do not know. Daniel craved for sex every now and
then, sex becomes more enjoyable as time pass, yet, I could not fully enjoy as
I knew I was being watched like an animal in the zoo. Our sex is not love, its
instinct.
One day, everyone my age is getting pregnant. Except me, but this was also when I realize that they started disappearing once they are sent to the pregnancy care center. Is this why all of us have no mothers? Daniel, too, started to get puzzled with why I am not getting pregnant, I am puzzled about it myself. We went to the doctors and did a blood test… to realize… I am not human.
They wanted
to quarantine me, but I knew I had nothing else left but doom. I ran quickly,
going back to find my dad and great grandmother, but I was late. They were
dead. Daniel… killed them. His hands were bloody there, standing in the home I lived
in for the past 24 years. I could not understand why. When he saw me, he cried.
He seemed to be out of control, or instead, I felt he was controlled. Everything
is controlled, where can I run… where
can I run to?
