No more
home. I have nowhere to turn to. To think that the ones I loved were murdered
in the hands of the one I loved. What more is there left for me? Memories of my
great grandmother and I flashes in my head over and over again, I can’t believe
she’s dead. Daniel, the one I loved, betrayed me, or can I say he did not? What
exactly happened, I do not know. I loved Daniel, I loved him beyond the
physical satiation and we had an emotional
connection. A connection that we had beyond what I learnt from school. The piercing pain paralyses me, as here I am,
in one of the man-made drainage where I can see no one else, not even those above
that no one else knew existed. The
world is bigger than I thought it was, everything has changed. It kept me
wondering, what exactly am I? Is this the time where I need to confront my
questions that I have been avoiding? The journey had just begun.
I
remembered my teacher once telling me, in the theory of how cameras work, the
cameras cannot see us beyond what it can capture even though we can see them. I
can see them, I see those who are watching us, but they do not know that I knew
about their existence. They are probably seeing me as a defect that is
withering somewhere else, maybe they think that I am dying already, since I
cannot reproduce to what they expect me to. I shall pretend that I am dead. I
will change my identity and walk out of here. I know I can do this. There is
nowhere else a reject like me can go anymore. I picked up a stone and I slit my
upper eyelids, I pierced the sides of my mouth, I cut off my ear lopes, and
here I am, a new person, or so I thought.
I survived on wild frogs in the drain, I ate them as I kill them and allowed
them to sizzle in the intense sun. My wounds healed faster than I thought it
would. Many days passed and I have forgotten who I was, or so I thought. My features are now different, I have a different
set of eyes, I have different smile lines and my ears are now smaller and different.
I moved. I
finally moved out from this place still bearing the loss, I looked like a
beggar on the streets, but this is good.
I went into a mall and begged for clothes and they gave me some male outfit
(they might have thought people my age left were all males). I cut my hair
short as I pretended to be a lunatic in another mall, stole their scissors, and
trimmed it later on. I went into a
public toilet and washed myself up, I looked different but not ugly, but this is good. I look like a man now, I
look like a man, and this is good.
Now I walk with confidence and I need a job, I do not know how these men were
educated but I can pretend that I know from what I know of… that man, Daniel. I
went to the area where only men were allowed in, or so I thought. I thought it was the safest here because there isn’t
any female left to recognize me.
I was so
wrong. Once I stepped into this palace-like area, I see females everywhere.
They do not look alive, they are all encapsulated in capsules of water, naked.
They are all wearing masks that seems to keep them asleep within these tanks. I
see men everywhere, walking around, with eyes as if choosing their prey. The
feeling I received from them is as though these women are ready to be their
supper, without any means to escape. I followed a man through his selection, I see
him chose a women in her 30s. He paid the salesperson $8,000 and immediately,
the salesperson released her. The water levels fell drastically and the
capsules opened. The man took off her mask that was keeping her asleep, and
immediately when her eyes opened, he grabbed her breasts like a predator
hunting a prey. He bit her at the most sensitive part and I almost shrieked.
The salesperson asked him to be patient and he will usher him to a room. The
released women showed no emotion, just a slight hint of pain in her eyes. I
followed and was stopped, but the salesperson offered me a deal, he said if I
wanted to watch this, it will be $2,000. I had no money, I told him I am not
interested, he said he can waive it for me this time, but if I am interested
again, I will have to contact him again. He passed me a name card, and I
followed him to the watching area…
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